Ambition

Let it never be said that I am not ambitious.

I often have ambitions, even if many of them are small and inconsequential. In fact, I had an ambition just yesterday, albeit a tiny one. It is all about achieving one’s goals, and I thought for sure I could achieve this one.

For surely, how could I fail to accomplish something so small as learning to make an omelette?

It started out well enough. I needed to buy eggs to make some cheesecake bars for a fundraiser this week. Why not buy a full dozen and use the other half to cook lunch? It seemed a solid enough idea.

Of course, then I remembered I had a bag of shredded cheese at home in the fridge. I had made tacos a week or two ago and somehow bought one bag of cheese too many. Why not find a way now to use that cheese up before it went to waste? And then my grand ambition hit me. I could get some bacon too and make a bacon and cheese omelette.

It should be noted now that I have never actually learned how to cook. Lately I have been trying to teach myself to make a few simple recipes through a process of trial and error. Most of these dishes have amazingly turned out quite well – giving me a sense that perhaps I might have some small, reasonable yet undiscovered talent in the kitchen. So, I thought, even though I had heard that omelettes can be difficult to produce, I might be able to whip one up quite easily. I was rather proud of this sudden notion, so on a whim I picked up a package of bacon and finished my grocery shopping.

Once home, I glanced at what seemed an easy omelette recipe and figured I could handle it. With much fanfare, I announced my intentions to my husband, D, and began my preparations.

My first task would be to fry the bacon. I had never done this either, but how hard could it be? After a small success there, I realized I needed more bacon and I also would need a few dishes I hadn’t bothered to wash beforehand. D, in his unending loathing of the dishes chore, offered to finish the bacon so I could tend to the dishes. He, too, had never cooked bacon and wanted to try his hand at that old kitchen standard.

I was still at the sink, arms half submerged in the soapy water scrubbing a pan I would need for dinner, when D mentioned that the bacon was done and wondered what I thought should be done with the grease. Without thinking, I told him to just grab the empty cup on the counter and pour it in there.

Okay – this is why I will never be a good cook. For in my nonchalant order, I had just unwittingly told my husband to pour bubbling hot grease into a styrofoam cup. Both of us, in our ignorance, did not realize what a tremendously stupid idea this was until the grease melted the styrofoam all over the hot burner in an angry cloud of foul-smelling smoke.

Luckily, it did not actually catch fire and we were able to clean up the mess without further incident. Of course, this should have pointed out the folly of my ambition, but I would not be deterred. While D searched the internet for ways to dispose of the grease, I finished the dishes and thought the hard part was almost over.

And after cleaning the pan, I began the task of trying to create an omelette. I was so eager still that I completely forgot how horribly the particular pan I was using happens to botch all forms of eggs. I also forgot that the stove isn’t entirely level, which causes liquids to run to one side of the pan. I forgot all these things until I had poured the egg mixture into the pan on what would have been a fine burner setting for normal pans but was far too hot for this particular pan.

A few minutes, a scorched pan, and two melted spatulas later, I had two vaguely omelette shaped puffy but burned piles of egg. Defeated for the moment, I put the bacon and cheese in each and we ate them silently while I cursed my ambition. They weren’t bad, but they weren’t good either. My goal of creating an omelette was only semi-realized and I was disheartened and discouraged by the damage I had wreaked in the process.

Moments afterward, though, I also realized that my experiment had not been a complete failure either.

“No one gets it completely right on the first try,” I told D hopefully, and began making a list of the new cooking utensils I would need to buy to try again.

Let it never be said that I am not ambitious.

Daily Tidbits